


Hearts Already Beating

by raendown



Category: Naruto
Genre: Do forgive me, F/M, Whoops I saved your life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-17
Updated: 2018-07-17
Packaged: 2019-06-12 04:47:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 15,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15332103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raendown/pseuds/raendown
Summary: An accidental bonding, a surprise marriage, and two people who refuse to see what's right there in front of them holding their hand.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [thekatthatbarks](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thekatthatbarks/gifts).



> A gift for my favorite Kit Kat, the first place winner of my 1500 Followers Giveaway on tumblr.

“I’m telling you, something feels off.” Sakura murmured the words out the corner of her mouth without breaking the vaguely politely smile she’d been holding for the past hour. At her side, Shikamaru didn’t so much as twitch but she still heard his scoff, the sound of it hidden in the jingle of bells as the Lord Yamamoto’s dancers swept by them again.

“You’re being paranoid. The talks went well, Yamamoto-sama has been very kind, and everything has gone smoothly. He’s definitely going to say yes to the money Kakashi-sama wants him to donate so why do you insist on being so troublesome about this?”

“Haven’t you considered that all of this might just be too good to be true?”

Both of them raised their hands to clap placidly as the dancers bowed. Sakura’s eyes tracked the Lord whose house they were staying in while he stood from his cushioned chair to make a speech of thanks to all his guests. As one of the Daimyo’s vassals he was obviously an important man – politically, anyway – but she had been getting some very strange vibes off of him since the moment they arrived.

Over the past four days most of the polite schmoozing had been left to Shikamaru as she spent large chunks of her time analyzing every word the Lord said and trying to find hidden meanings behind any of it. Shikamaru had called her a fool every time she tried to bring it up. Which was strange considering the fact that he was usually the first to pick up on something like this, being the genius that he was, and Sakura resented feeling like he didn’t trust her judgment.

“You just want to go home and mope because Temari turned you down,” she snipped, baring her teeth and pretending to smile wider. Shikamaru went still at her side.

“That was uncalled for.”

He was right. The relationship between him and Temari, a failure before it ever got off the ground, was none of her business. But stubbornness had always been one of her main failings and she wasn’t about to admit that now that she’d made an ass of herself. Maybe she would offer to cook on the journey home as an apology, provided he didn’t insist they stay another night as revenge.

“And now, dear friends, our main entertainment for the evening!” Lord Yamamoto’s announcement drew their attention, effectively ending their little spat before it could even get interesting. Grateful for the distraction so that her temper wouldn’t drive her to say something she might regret more, Sakura focused on their host as he nodded to one of his many servants. There was something even more slimy than usual about his smile but she peacefully kept that observation to herself and privately vowed that she would at least try to see the man in a positive light.

Or at least, she would have if she hadn’t sensed a flare of chakra right behind her and whirled just in time to stop a sharp poniard from piercing the back of her neck. Pure instinct had her fist caving in her attacker’s skull even before her mind caught up to the fact that they were under attack.

Pushing one of the civilian guests behind her, Sakura deflected the kunai thrown by someone else who had been hiding in the crowd. From the corner of her eye she could see Shikamaru already in position, hands together and knees braced as his shadows went to work. The noblewoman who had been seated beside her screamed as Sakura snatched one of the attackers close so she could shatter his ribcage. When she looked that way to check that the woman was alright she caught a glimpse of Lord Yamamoto sneaking out of the room through a hidden door, smiling like the cat who got the cream.

“What did I tell you?” she growled, eyes roving to assess their situation. “I told you there was something off but noooo! No one ever listens to me!” Most of the civilians had bolted to make way for the hired shinobi pouring out of every nook and cranny. Someone must have read up on their abilities because there were dozens of assailants working at surrounding them from all sides.

“Can we leave the ‘I told you so’ business for later?” Shikamaru drawled.

Instead of gracing that with any polite sort of answer, Sakura grunted indecipherably and kicked one man backwards in to another, sending them both through the wall behind. A woman with pale hair in thick bouncy curls ducked under one of her fists and spun to the side, snatching something off her belt and hurling several small objects at Sakura’s face. She swatted them aside with little thought.

She then immediately regretted her careless action when they burst open right in front of her face. Clouds of unidentified powder exploded in every direction and Sakura gasped with surprise, inhaling a mouthful that coated her throat and lungs. Immediately she felt the areola in her lungs contracting, refusing to accept oxygen, sending her heartrate in to overdrive as panic set it. The woman in front of her grinned cockily and stepped forward to finish her off without realizing the danger still inherent in the strongest kunoichi of her generation. Sakura had enough time to remove the woman’s head, splattering herself with blood in the process, before her knees gave out and she curled in to herself with one hand clutching at her throat.

Distantly she could hear Shikamaru shouting for her but with the oxygen in her bloodstream running out and enemies still coming at her she didn’t exactly have a lot of concentration to spare for anything else. Already she was dizzy and it was doubtful she would be able to block the polearm coming for her head.

Just as she raised her face to watch it come for her, something vaguely familiar wrapped around her middle and her body was jolted sideways, dragged through the air until she came to rest in the protective cocoon of the shadows at Shikamaru’s feet. His voice was louder here as he shouted at her to tell him what was wrong. Sakura really wished she could answer. Dark spots danced in her vision and she was rapidly losing the ability to concentrate on anything but the burning need for air, unable to even recognize the symptoms as shock began to set in too fast to call upon the healing abilities she was so well known for.

Consciousness was a wavering thread in her mind, eyes slipping shut and thoughts diaphanous, when something soft and bright exploded inside her mind. Between one moment and the next, Shikamaru’s voice was a hundred times louder. It sounded almost as if he were right there inside her mind. At the same time she could feel a pervasive warmth filling her chest and spreading outwards to her extremities, rejuvenating her as it went.

Her first gasp of air was a jagged, unsteady roar that rocked her entire body. Her lungs were still burning but in a frantic sort of way that let her know her body was still fighting to live rather than sliding towards death. Whatever brightness had infused her and pulled her back to the land of the living was still there; she could feel it soaking in to her cells and merging with her bloodstream, effusing her bones and braiding itself in to her chakra system. By all rights it should have felt wrong yet Sakura had never felt anything more _right_ before.

“Answer me damn it!” Shikamaru’s voice broke through the haze and she realized he had probably been yelling for several minutes without response.

With a great deal of difficulty she convinced her eyelids to flutter open, startled to find the room completely still except for the two of them. Her partner knelt on the ground with her cradles in his arms. Bodies lay all around them, several still with dark shadows piercing them, and a wave of feral satisfaction rolled through her at the sight. Shikamaru gently brushed her temple and smoothed away her fringe.

“Damn it, woman, I thought you were a goner for sure. Are you alright? Can you hear me?”

“I’m–” her answer was interrupted by the hoarse scratching of her own throat and she paused to cough until Shikamaru passed her a water skin. After a few careful sips she tried again. “I’m alright. One of them caught me in a cloud of some kind of toxin. Incredibly fast-acting. I didn’t have time to purge my own blood before I was…” Dying, she wanted to say. The dark anger in her partner’s eyes stayed her tongue.

“Never scare me like that again,” he demanded. She grinned and shuffled one shoulder in a lopsided shrug.

“No guarantees.”

Shikamaru rolled his eyes and carefully helped her to her feet, ducking under one of her arms to support her shaking legs. “Well I see you did manage to get whatever that was out of your blood stream at least. You feel healthy to me.” Both of them stop and gave each other’s odd looks.

“What the hell do you mean ‘I feel healthy to you’?”

“Uh, I don’t know where that came from. You are fine though, right?”

“Yeah. But I didn’t purge the toxin. I thought you helped.”

“Me?” Shikamaru lifted one eyebrow. “What do I know about poison? I was busy with my own fight.”

Frowning, Sakura put as much weight on her own wobbly knees as she could to stand up straighter. “So that light or whatever wasn’t you…?”

“Light? I play with shadows, in case you’ve forgotten.” He gave her a pointed look and she rolled her eyes.

“Alright shadow boy, let’s see if I can stand on my own. It’ll take us twice as long to get home and report this if you have to carry me the whole way.”

Holding on to her upper arms, Shikamaru made sure that she was steady on her feet before slowly stepping back and gradually sliding his hands away, not fully releasing her until it was clear that she truly didn’t need his help anymore.

The moment his fingertips left her body the two of them collapsed with matching groans of anguish. Sakura gasped as the pain returned, increased a hundredfold. Dying while her body gradually ran out of oxygen hadn’t hurt this much. It blotted out everything, every sense, except for the need to reach out. Something inside her knew the source of that healing light was close and that if she could only grab hold of it everything would be okay again.

It took everything she had to twitch her fingers and slide across the floor. They brushed up against something warm that sent a wave of relief crashing down through her entire body, causing her to cry out helplessly. With one last burst of strength she slammed her hand down on top of the warmth and then lay heaving for breath when the pain came to an abrupt end.

Both of them reeled in the aftermath, unable to talk for several minutes until finally Shikamaru managed to roll his head to one side and see that they were holding hands.

“How did you do that?” he asked with as much energy as he could muster.

“Do what?”

“Make it stop!”

“I didn’t make it stop, you did.” Sakura fluttered her eyes open to see her partner looking back at her as though she’d grown a couple of extra heads, a look she really didn’t think she deserved right now. Wasn’t she dealing with enough already without his sass?

Irritated, Shikamaru moved to pull his hand out from underneath hers – then quickly shoved it back when they both immediately shuddered in pain.

“Something’s wrong,” he muttered. Sakura huffed.

“Figure that out all by yourself, genius?”

He sent her a flat look and very carefully pushed himself up on his knees without letting go of her hand. “I don’t know what the hell is going on but we can’t lie around forever, as nice as that sounds. Kakashi-sama needs to know that Yamamoto-sama has betrayed us. Hopefully someone back home will know what’s happened to us.”

Using their entwined hands to haul herself up as well, Sakura merely nodded in agreement, her mind running through different possibilities and discarding them or setting them aside for further thought. Shikamaru kicked a severed head out of their way as they moved towards the door, already quietly discussing how they would move around each other if they had to stay in contact and making plans to test that theory a bit more once they had reached somewhere they could be safely alone. The sooner they got out of here the better; Sakura hoped they wouldn’t run in to too many people as they snuck away from the Lord’s estate.

Shikamaru’s hand in hers was grounding and reassuring and Sakura very carefully thought about anything else but that as they ran.


	2. Chapter 2

“I’m…I’m sorry we’re what now?” Sakura watched the wizened old man across from her sigh and straighten his back as much as age would allow him to.

“Married, my dear girl. By Nara tradition, a chakra bond holds the same significance as a wedding ceremony. In the eyes of our clan the two of you are now bonded in matrimony.”

“You’re insane,” she told him flatly.

At her side, Shikamaru was completely and utterly still. She was sure that if she looked closely she would see a hundred different thoughts all chasing each other around in circles behind that blank stare of his. Unfortunately she couldn’t even bring herself to look in his direction at the moment; the situation was just too embarrassing. The fact that they were unable to stop holding hands without excruciating pain did not help.

Learning about the phenomenon which had saved her life had been both mortifying and informative. Chakra bonding was so rare that it wasn’t even mentioned in the health classes offered at the academy and most parents never bothered to teach their children about it. Sakura’s temper was briefly mollified by the fact that chakra bonds weren’t inherently romantic but the fact that nine out of ten bonds took a romantic turn at some point simply due to exposure and proximity did nothing to help her stay calm.

If she were honest, she still didn’t fully understand what had happened to them. She knew that one or both of them had reacted to the situation on such a primal level that their very soul had reached out, latching on to the other and bonding them together in a way that dragged her back from the brink of death. _How_ , she didn’t quite get. _Why_ was a question she didn’t want to look too closely at.

From what she’d been able to gather form the Nara clan elders, chakra bonding only happened between two people so well suited to each other that their souls, upon contact, grew confused at the idea of separation and instructed their chakra networks to fuse together. Which would at least explain why they had to keep touching each other, although she had been very happy to hear that particular side effect should lessen with time. The fusion was still raw, the two halves of their new whole unable to part until the integration was completed. Sakura didn’t really want her soul to be integrated with Shikamaru’s for the rest of her life but everyone agreed that the process was irreversible.

Wonderful.

Now they were telling her she was de facto married and Sakura was incredibly tempted to ask in her snarkiest tone if they had any other good news to drop on her. Surely one more piece of unwanted information would push her right over the edge and have her on route to the nearest psychiatric ward immediately.

“A house will be prepared for the two of you immediately,” the old man told them, the rest of the elders nodding sagely behind him. Sakura snapped around to look at him with wide eyes.

“What do mean a house?”

“You are married,” he said. “A married couple cannot live apart, of course.”

“Oh of course. Obviously. Except we are _not_ married! We don’t even like each other! Like hell I’m moving out of the apartment I work hard to pay for just because you have some stupid tradition we stumbled in to by mistake!”

Leaping to her feet without warning the man beside her turned out to be a mistake as his steel grip around her hand jerked her up short, bringing her thumping back down on her bottom with no dignity. After staring down any of the assholes before her that tried to stifle their laughter, she turned to Shikamaru, who stared placidly back.

“You gonna let me up?” she growled. He sighed.

“This is all way too much trouble.”

“Oh stick a senbon in it.”

Probably to save himself from her temper more than anything else, he did stand and allow her the freedom of storming away from the chamber of her humiliation. Once they were out on the streets, however, the reality of their situation was enough to get her to pause and peek over at him with a sheepish expression.

“Realizing we have to stick together for now anyway, huh?” His tone was mild but his eyes sparkled with humor and Sakura soothed her own temper by sticking her tongue out at him.

“We’re sleeping at _my_ place. I don’t want to be anywhere near them right now.”

“Oddly enough, I agree,” he said. Sakura twitched with surprise but tried her best to play it off.

Holding hands – as always, now – they wound their way through the streets of Konoha until they came to the squat little apartment building she had been living in for the past four years, since she moved in on her eighteenth birthday. It was a little dingy on the outside, a little cramped on the inside, but it was hers and she had earned every dish and sheet inside with her own money. That was more than she could say for any of her clan-born friends.

Not that there was anything wrong with relying on family or even accepting their gifts if offered, just that Sakura took pride in her independence, always had. This stupid chakra bond was a threat to her personal freedom in more than one way. Already she thought she could feel the noose tightening.

The two of them were quiet as they went about scrounging up something to eat for lunch. Cooking was made awkward by both of them having only one hand, a problem Shikamaru solved by running his hand up her arm to grip her bicep instead. While eating they sat across from each other and held opposite wrists so that both of them could use their dominant hand as they pleased. By the time they crashed on the sofa and turned on the TV they were both ready to just stay still for a while and pretend this wasn’t happening. The day when they could spend a bit of time apart could not come soon enough.

Being attached at all times created some very awkward situations which neither of them had considered until they all happened, one by one. Changing their clothes wasn’t terrible as long as they trusted each other to keep their eyes closed. Going to bathroom, however, was a special kind of shame.

So far, however, the worst part had been sleeping. Peeing while holding hands was embarrassing, sure, but it wasn’t like she’d never squatted behind a bush with people nearby before and it was over in a few seconds anyway. Sleeping was supposed to be comfortable and relaxing and Sakura needed her own space, damn it! With someone else there she was unable to spread out across her bed the way she liked, forever running up against another limb or jerking awake when their hands slipped apart. It was with great reluctance that they had agreed the safest position to sleep was cuddled up together. Sakura hated it.

Or she usually did. Right now she was very ready to fall asleep in front of the television with one hand in Shikamaru’s lap and her head resting against his shoulder. Very likely she would have if her front door hadn’t slammed open to admit two bickering blonds with too much energy between them.

“Forehead! I heard you got glued to Shikamaru and I came to laugh at you to your face!”

“Sakura-chan! Shikamaru! Are you guys holding hands!?”

Rubbing at the headache she could feel getting ready to form, Sakura let out an aggrieved sigh. “Ino. Naruto. Please do come in; the door wasn’t locked or anything.”

“Did you forget you gave me a key?” Ino asked, dangling her little treasure mockingly before burying it in her pocket. “Now, for once dingbat over here has a good point. You two are _definitely_ holding hands right now. Are the rumors true or is there a little something going on here that we shouldn’t be interrupting?” She ended with a salacious wink, prompting Sakura to throw a pillow at her to cover her own smile.

“There is nothing going on.”

“We’re stuck like this for a while,” Shikamaru said with a lazy shrug. Naruto eyed them both suspiciously for a minute before grinning in what looked like relief.

“That’s hilarious. How’d you guys manage to glue yourselves together?”

Explaining their situation was annoying in the sense that they only had answers to about half the questions their friends asked, the same questions they would have loved to have answers for themselves. Ino put her feet up and grilled them on the way they were dealing with things and how this was going to impact their everyday lives. Naruto bounced around from chair to chair and came up with really strange questions like whether they could peel a banana together or if Shikamaru counted as a weapon in Sakura’s hands.

It was exhausting dealing with both of them at the same time but it was the most relaxed Sakura had been since this ordeal began. Listening to her friends come up with stupid things to ask them made her feel like the situation wasn’t quite as bad as it had the potential to be. A glance to the side to catch Shikamaru’s rueful smile told her that his thoughts were running along the same track. She made sure that neither of their guests were looking before squeezing his hand in a show of solidarity,

Naruto easily agreed to grab snacks from the kitchen when Ino declared a movie night for all of them. He also sent out a few clones to gather some of their other friends and the day ended a lot less stressfully than the first half would have led them to expect. Good company and good movies interrupted by a lot of laughter took both of their minds off of everything until they very nearly forgot whose fingers were entwined with their own.

When they went to bed that night it was almost without thought that Sakura sprawled herself out across Shikamaru’s middle, keeping her body still long enough for him to fall asleep. Once he had drifted off she began her nightly shuffle and twist and wriggle to try and find a position comfortable enough to send her in to dreamland as well.

She ended up laying her head on his chest and counting the beats of his heart, going over medical charts in her head and trying to imagine herself and Temari sitting side by side in his left ventricle. He was sort of stuck with her, apparently, and she wondered if there was enough room for the both of them.


	3. Chapter 3

What Sakura failed to take in to account in her excitement to be in the comforts of her own home was just how annoying Shikamaru’s relatives could be. Even worse, they were very reasonable about it. It took about three days of badgering before she began to weaken and, almost as though scenting her indecision, that was when Shikamaru himself chimed in to add his opinions to the mix. She hadn’t realized she would need to fight this battle on two separate fronts.

“I want to go home too, Sakura,” he told her at last, a week after she had shut them both inside her apartment to hide from the world. “I don’t mind coming here when you need to be comfortable but it’s only fair that I get to go home sometimes too.”

“That…is a good point. I’m sorry, I never even thought of that.”

“We could try and split the time evenly between our two places if you like.”

“No.” Heaving a tired sigh, Sakura dropped her head down on to her friend’s shoulder in defeat. “It would feel too much like a mission, hopping from place to place and never settling down. You’re clan Head now without your father around and I’ve been keeping you from your duties by locking you up in here. Between us, it makes more sense if we both stay at your place until we can survive being separated.”

He patted the top of her head and she mock snarled at him, surprising a laugh from him. The sound of it rumbled in his chest in a pleasant way.

“So you can be reasonable. Who knew?”

“Quiet, Nara, or I’ll sedate you and strap you to my back so I can go about my day.”

When he gave her a thoughtful glance like he was considering the merits of such an idea it was her turn to laugh, so hard and for so long she developed a stitch in her right side just trying to imagine it. Only Shikamaru would be happy to flop across her shoulders like a sack of rice if it meant he could nap for the whole day.

Eventually she calmed down and looked around the living room where they had spent the morning listening to the Nara elders yell through the door at them. This was her home and she didn’t want to leave. She wanted to stay where she was comfortable and she could pretend that nothing was wrong. But after seven days of stubbornness she was finally ready to admit how selfish and childish she was being. How her companion hadn’t shaken a bit of sense in to her yet was a mystery.

Unhappily, she closed her eyes and flopped sideways so that she lay across Shikamaru’s lap.

“If you say anything even close to ‘I told you so’ then I will make your life a living hell.”

“Would I say something like that?” he drawled.

“Probably.”

“Not worth the effort. Let me know when you’re done sulking so we can get started on packing your stuff. The elders are right, I’ve let my duties sit for too long. Ugh. It’s going to be hell catching up with everything now.”

Sakura winced. “Sorry.” Then she sat up to eye him sourly. “And I wasn’t sulking.”

“Whatever you say.”

“Hmph!”

Shikamaru grinned at her and she had to bite her lip to resist the urge to grin back. The two of them bickered like lazy cats but there were few of her friends whom she would say she was closer to. Ino, obviously, and maybe Naruto. One might think she would say Naruto was her closest male friend but she had suffered enough years playing second fiddle to someone who wasn’t there to be able to say that without choking on the shadows behind her teeth.

With her nose up in the air in a show of pompous offense, Sakura rose from the couch and dragged her friend down the hall to the bedroom so they could both pack. Where he had only the few pieces of clothing which Choji had gathered for him from his home, Sakura at least had the opportunity to pack properly for an extended stay. More so than the clothes and the toiletries, her bag was stuffed full of the medical texts and research scrolls she would be using to keep herself busy. She might not be able to do her work properly in this condition but that didn’t mean she wouldn’t find some kind of way to be productive.

Not that the sulking was over, of course.

Thankfully no one saw fit to say anything about her sudden change of heart as the two of them crept almost sheepishly past the gates leading in to the Nara district. Word of their clan head’s return spread quickly and within five minutes of slipping into the modest little home he shared with his mother they were inundated with half a dozen people, all of them with urgent issues that absolutely needed his attention right away. Most of them eyed the hands linking the two of them together but word had already spread of the mess they were in so Sakura was relieved when no one mentioned in outright.

At first she did her best to occupy herself with one of the books she had brought to continue her current research, opening it across her lap and trying to ignore the conversations going on around her. That lasted about forty-five minutes before a sharp looking woman of middling age gave an opinion on something which was so stupid that Sakura snorted in derision without taking the time to think about it.

“Does Haruno-san have anything she would like to add?”

Sakura narrowed her eyes. While she might not have the advantage of being raised in a clan to familiarize her with the internal politics, she could still recognize an insult when she heard one.  She might not consider herself married but these people did and by referring to her by her maiden name this woman was snubbing her, publicly and right in front of the man she was supposed to be technically married to.

Responding in a catty manner would not be a smart thing to do. If she wished to leave this place with as few entanglements as possible then she should refrain from rocking the boat and keep any claims of status to herself.

“I can’t imagine to whom you are referring, madam. I see only Naras in this room.”

Her temper had always been a quick and fickle thing.

At her side, Shikamaru sighed and reached up with his free hand to rub at the bridge of his nose tiredly. The woman gave Sakura a look so full of venom it briefly crossed her mind to be grateful she was an expert with poisons. Sakura stared her down with the same steel gaze with which she had punched Otsutsuki Kaguya right in her stupid world-eating head; a fairly intimidating look, if she did say so herself.

For the rest of the informal gathering Sakura kept herself alert and focused, paying attention to the conversations around her even if she didn’t actively take part again. Unexpectedly, she found it much more entertaining than she would have thought. She had always believed politics boring and the idea of the small finicky details needed to run a clan or a village better left to other people who wouldn’t fall asleep talking about it. It was a great surprise to find herself feeling engaged or even coming up with ideas she might suggest to Shikamaru later in private.

Maybe, she thought, she might be good at something other than breaking people apart or stitching them back together. The thought was a little relieving considering how most of her close friends were the present or future leaders of their clans. Usually she tended to wander away when they began talking politics but now she was happy to think she might have something to add to the conversations.

Having been away for as long as he was, first on a mission and then cooped up in Sakura’s apartment until her feathers unruffled, Shikamaru was by no means in the clear when the gathering slowly began to filter out of his home. He knew very well that he would have just as much if not more work ahead of him the next day; paperwork to sign off on, decisions to approve, grievances to make a ruling on. But he also knew that it was in part his own fault for not pushing back against his bond mate and trying harder to come home. A week of relaxation had been too good of an opportunity to pass up, especially when he had a ready-made excuse in his volatile teammate.

Both of them were glad to be served dinner by Shikamaru’s mother when the house was finally empty but for the three of them. As much as Sakura had enjoyed listening to the conversations over the past few hours, she was also glad to keep to some lighter subjects now so they could unwind.

Or at least they stayed to lighter topics for a little while.

“So,” Shikamaru’s mother spoke up halfway through the meal. “Now that you’re back to watch over the clan as your father did, are you going to follow all of his patterns? You know, we were about your age when we had you.” Both Sakura and Shikamaru choked on their food while Yoshino looked on, wrinkling her nose and shifting the dishes away from them.

“Mother!”

“What? I’ve been telling you to settle down and give me grandchildren for years now.”

“Can we talk about this later?”

“Darling the two of you are attached – quite literally. I hardly think we’re going to get any more privacy than this.” She shook her head and spooned out a few more lumps of rice on to her plate while Shikamaru looked up at the ceiling for strength.

Sakura cleared her throat, carefully not looking at anything but her grilled vegetables. “We won’t be stuck together like this forever.”

“But you are his wife! He should have no secrets from you!”

“Mother, honestly, stop. I’ve already told you that Sakura doesn’t follow the same traditions as our clan. This isn’t– well it’s not to her– I mean–?”

“What he’s trying to say is that this isn’t a real marriage to me.” Sakura straightened her spine and pushed a carrot slightly to the left. “As soon as we can physically separate without pain I intend to look in to options for an annulment. I thought divorce but surely I don’t fall under your clan laws so there’s no reason so get in to the technicalities of the law.”

Yoshino stared at her so hard Sakura could feel the weight of the woman’s gaze like a boulder strapped to the crown of her head but it took another moment before she gathered the courage to look up. Being a strong independent young woman was all well and good but there was just something about the airs a woman like Yoshino carried which made you stand up and act smart no matter whether or not you outranked her.

After her displeasure had been made known silently, her point was driven home even further with four sharp words.

“I beg your pardon?”

“Until this happened I’d never even heard of chakra bonds.” Sakura held tighter to Shikamaru’s hand under the table, silently bolstering herself. “Your traditions are your own and I am not disparaging them. I’m only saying that I don’t agree with the lack of autonomy they allow me. I wasn’t given a choice in this!”

“Why would you need a choice? Your destiny has been revealed! You two were made for each other, of course.”

“Mother, drop it,” Shikamaru growled finally. Yoshino turned her hard gaze over to him and the two of them locked in to a staring contest of such intensity Sakura was mildly surprised nothing in the immediate vicinity caught fire. Finally Shikamaru broke contact first by rolling his eyes and returning to his meal, clumsily wielding his chopsticks with the wrong hand since they had been ushered in to seats right next to each other.

Primly reaching for her napkin, Yoshino sniffed. “Very well. We _will_ discuss this the very moment we are allowed the privacy to do so. And not a moment later, do you understand young man?”

Shikamaru huffed but nodded once, as easily cowed by his mother as Sakura had been.

Conversation was pretty much a bust after that. All three of them sat in awkward silence until they had finished eating and the bonded pair were allowed to slip away, leaving the dishes to the woman with use of both hands. They escaped to Shikamaru’s bedroom and fell on top of the blankets without bothering to pull them down first. For a while they did nothing but lie still and gaze up at the ceiling but eventually Shikamaru broke the silence in a quiet voice.

“I honestly thought you broke her for a minute when you said it wasn’t real to you.” He grinned when Sakura began to giggle.

“Yeah I suppose I could have been less blunt about it. Maybe I should apologize to her tomorrow.”

“That would be best. My mother can hold a grudge like no one’s business and it’ll make our lives a lot easier if she doesn’t hate you. Especially if you’re going to be living here.”

“Only for a little while,” Sakura pointed of hurriedly. Her companion didn’t answer. She worried her bottom lip hesitantly before asking a question which really should have occurred to her to ask earlier. “Hey Shika? This isn’t…is this real to you? I mean, you didn’t know anything about this stuff either but these are your family traditions.”

Neither of them looked away from the ceiling and all Shikamaru said was, “It’s not like we’re in love.”

Sakura agreed wholeheartedly so she wasn’t sure why those words haunted her as she fell asleep, replaying in her head like some kind of dark prediction of a future she should brace herself for.


	4. Chapter 4

The first time they were able to separate Sakura threw her hands up in the air to celebrate and moved away to do a little victory dance. Unfortunately the motion brought them just a little bit too far apart and they both curled over in agony. Ino, who luckily happened to be visiting at the time, brought their hands back together and the pain vanished instantly as soon as they made contact with each other’s skin. Sakura was a little more cautious after that.

At first they couldn’t move much farther away from each other than a couple of feet and the distance only lasted for a few minutes before they needed to come back together. It took days and weeks of training themselves to improve, the same way they might stretch out a new muscle they’d never used until now, but eventually they managed to do simple things like shower alone without the other standing outside the curtain or take a nap in the bedroom while the other read a book in the den. What might not seem like much to other people meant the whole world to them just to have a few precious moments to themselves.

Sakura was pretty sure Shikamaru’s mother had followed through on her threat of having a very in depth conversation with him about their situation the first moment she was able to do so.

One and a half months after the mission which changed their lives forever Sakura made her first tentative trip down the street on her own, meeting up with Hinata and Ino at the public park in the center of the Nara residential district. Not having to hold someone’s hand and reduce her speed to another person’s moseying pace was such a relief she practically skipped the whole way there.

“Forehead,” Ino greeted her with an amused smirk. Beside her, Hinata nodded politely.

“Sakura-chan. How have you been?”

“Better now that I can do this!” Sakura stuck both arms out and turned a full circle unimpeded while her two friends laughed at her antics. Then she threw herself down on the grass and fixed them with an intent look. “Alright, fill me in. What’s been going on? Who went on what missions? Who kissed who? I need everything. I’ve been living in a gossip dead zone.”

Her two friends shared a look.

“Oh the horror,” Ino deadpanned.

“Shut up, Pig. You’d be dying of gossip thirst in my position and you know it.”

“That’s true but I’m _not_ in your position so I’m free to mock you in any way I want.” Ino tilted her nose up smugly while Hinata hid a giggle behind her hands.

As requested, they filled her in on everything that had been going on while she’d been cooped up in with her pseudo husband. Several missions had gone out and come back, assassinations and infiltrations and one diverted coup. Hinata showed off the latest letter she had received from Kankuro with a shy pride and blushed when her two friends teased her about their developing relationship. When they had filled the better part of an hour with just catching up, Sakura turned to Ino and took a deep breath.

“How’s the hospital?” she asked. Ino huffed.

“Falling apart,” he friend told her bluntly. “With Lady Tsunade out of the village on her retirement tour and you not there either, there’s really no one else at the helm right now. I do what I can but I’ve got the flower shop and my own missions and I’m Head of clan now that my mother has stepped down, even if the elders still try to fight me on that.”

“Are they still saying you’re too young?”

“Yeah. I just keep pointing at Shikamaru and how well he’s doing with it all. Usually that shuts them up.”

“Right.”

Sakura let out a gentle sigh and twisted her fingers together. The hospital was her baby, her pride and joy. She loved her job there and being away was hard enough; knowing that others were suffering from her situation made her stomach turn over unpleasantly.

“Well things are getting better,” she said, half to them and half to herself. “I made it all the way down the street, didn’t I? I’ll be back to work before you know it and things can get back to normal.”

“How normal?” Hinata asked. Sakura blinked, confused.

“What do you mean?”

The other girl shifted and looked over at Ino for a boost of confidence before continuing. “It’s just that, well, the way I understand it is that you and Shikamaru-kun are bonded for life and you two are legally married now, right? So when you say that everything will go back to normal, I just mean, well, how normal? Are you going to get a divorce? Pretend this never happened? You’re not even going to”–Hinata cleared her throat–“to try and make it work?”

“Make it work!?” Sakura recoiled.

“Oh come on Forehead, you two would be great together.” Ino shrugged, her words light but her eyes sharp and focused the way they were during the most engaging interrogations.

“Don’t even start. His mother is already halfway up my butt just because I told her I don’t believe this is a real marriage – whoa! Hey! Why are you both suddenly looking at me like I said I wanted to eat small children for breakfast?”

“Sakura-chan, to not follow a clan’s traditions is your right if you are not part of that clan but to be invited in to their fold and welcomed as family and then devalue their practices like that is very rude!” Hinata hugged both of her arms around herself and shivered. “If you said that to her face then you have offered her a grave insult.”

“Oh.”

Sakura wrinkled her nose. Obviously she’d known she was being a bit rude but if it was enough to make Hinata _and_ Ino gasp in horror the way they had then clearly it was a wee bit ruder than she’d thought.

Her friends wanted to stay longer but it was a little more than an hour later when Sakura first began to feel the pull deep inside which meant she should hurry back to wherever Shikamaru was before the pain caught up to them. She made her goodbyes quickly and promised to meet with them again soon then hastened back towards her current home.

Following the sensations actually led her passed the house and one street over to where he was fast asleep on the side of a grass covered hill, arms behind his head and completely relaxed. He looked just the same as he had every other time she’d seen him sleep but there was something different about the lack of worries he carried at the moment; he looked closer to the old Shikamaru she had grown up with, the one who murmured ‘troublesome’ and pulled her ass out of the fire when she needed it while complaining the whole time.

Without thinking much about it, Sakura flopped down on the grass beside him and reached for his hand, weaving their fingers together and cradling his hand in her lap as she turned her gaze to watching the people drift by along the sleepy avenue. Perhaps there was something to his penchant for naps. Just sitting here and watching the world go by was a lot more relaxing than any of the poor attempts she’d made at meditation over the years. In fact, she was so relaxed that Sakura failed to realize that one of her hands had let go of his and snuck over to absently play with his hair until a contented hum met her ears and she looked down to see him blinking sleepily up at her.

“Hello,” he murmured. Sakura looked at him, looked at his hair, and snatched her fingers back.

“Hey.”

“Why’d you stop? Felt nice.” He looked ready to fall back asleep if she did continue but Sakura was too busy staring at him. “What? Is there grass on my face?”

“No! I just, uh, I want to go home.”

Shikamaru shrugged and easily folded himself in to a sitting position only to pause and stretch, grunting in satisfaction when his spine popped loudly. He rolled to his feet with a wide yawn before the two of them stepped out in perfect sync to head off back to the house.

Neither of them spoke as they walked, nor when they returned home and settled down on the couch with a book in each lap. Sakura opened the text across her knees and then ignored it entirely. She was lost in her head, completely absorbed with her strange reaction to watching the man beside her take a quick snooze. Even before they got stuck together this way she’d caught him napping in all sorts of places, seen him asleep a hundred and more times, so it was a mystery why this time it had seemed so special.

Yet the image simply would not leave her head. In her mind’s eye she could see the way his hair spread out in messy waves about his head, loosened from its ponytail by lolling about on the ground. She could see the laxness of his facial features and the way his lips had been parted the tiniest amount, just enough for her to see a small flash of pearly white teeth. Even now as a memory the image was a pleasant one. Sakura very much wanted to close the book in her lap and thump it in to her own forehead a few times until her thoughts straightened themselves out.

Was she really sitting here thinking about how attractive her friend was?

It wasn’t as though she’d never noticed before. That Shikamaru was attractive was plain to see and she could admit – to herself at least – that she had definitely admired his backside a time or two after downing a few glasses of shochu. But never had she been so distracted by the looks of someone she clearly only thought of as a friend.

After this was all over she was definitely going to have to let Ino take her out of the town. Drinking, dancing, and getting hit on by hopeful suitors would be the perfect solution to her wandering thoughts.

“Geez, whatever you’re thinking so hard about must be really important.” Shikamaru’s voice snapped her back to the present, causing her to jolt with surprise and send her book tumbling down to the floor. Sakura pouted quietly for a moment.

“All of my thoughts are important,” she sniffed.

“Mhm. I’m sure it’s top priority information when you spend fifteen minutes in the mornings picking out an outfit to wear.”

“Hey!”

“And you always end up wearing the same outfits anyway.”

“Okay! Okay! Wow, come for my whole life why don’t you?” Her mouth pinched with annoyance and she shoved her partner with the hand not wrapped in his own, careful not to dislodge their grip and extra careful not to think about the reasons why she didn’t want to.

Shikamaru redirected his smirk to the book he was reading, which she finally noted was actually a book of old laws. “You know that you make it too easy, right?” Snatching up her novel just to stuff her nose in it, she determinedly glared at the first few words on whatever page she had opened it to and huffed loudly to express her displeasure.

“Quiet,” she snarled. “I do not.”

“You really do. For instance, if I happened to say something about the piece of rice that’s been on your face since dinner…”

“What!?” Sakura dropped the book again and frantically groped at her cheeks, then stopped when her partner began to snicker openly. “There’s no rice on my face!”

“I know. But, like I said, too easy.”

“Ugh.”

Rolling her eyes, Sakura yanked her hand away so that she could cross both arms across her chest. It meant she had to lean over to press their shoulders together just to keep contact but it at least allowed her to pout more effectively. All thoughts of whether or not she found this idiot attractive were firmly shoved to the back of her mind and pummeled in to silence. How could she possibly think she might have been getting attached to someone who was so annoying?

No, her and Shikamaru were only friends. That was it. And that was all they ever would be.


	5. Chapter 5

Finding the two of them snuggled up with Sakura draped across Shikamaru’s chest every morning probably didn’t do much to help convince Yoshino that they weren’t planning to stay married. The woman looked particularly smug as she stood in the doorway that morning with one hand on her hip and the other wielding a ladle, which she was threatened to beat her son with if he didn’t get the hell out of bed. Apparently he had someone at the door for him and she wasn’t up to entertaining other people’s guests this early in the day.

It couldn’t have been too urgent if whoever was here was waiting so patiently downstairs so neither of them bothered to change from their pajamas before stumbling down and in to the kitchen, eyes going first to the feast laid out for their morning meal. Only after they had both wiped the drool from the corners of their mouths did Shikamaru look up to acknowledge Choji. His friend was also eyeing the food.

“What’s got you out and about at this time?” he asked.

“Night patrol,” Choji replied absently, inching towards the bacon. “Just got off shift. Kakashi-sama asked me to stop by and let you know he needs you in his office. Didn’t say why.” A yawn interrupted him and he stretched upwards with one hand, the other snapping out to grab a piece of bacon. “I think someone arrived last night but Kiba and I were taking turns sleeping so I missed who it was.”

“Thanks buddy. Here, take a few onigiri on your way.”

“Awesome! You’re the best, Shikamaru!” Choji turned to leave, happily devouring his gift, and Sakura couldn’t help but smile at his back. She’d never met someone so easily made happy by the simple things in life. Choji was by no means a simple man himself, despite the impressions most people tended to get from him, but he was definitely among the cheeriest in the village.

Yoshino wiped her hands on a cloth before sitting delicately at the table, waving for them to join her. “Come, eat before you go. If Rokudaime-sama sends you two haring off somewhere then you’ll do well to have full bellies first.”

“Can’t really argue with that,” Shikamaru murmured.

“I’m sure you could find a way, dear.”

Sakura giggled under her breath while her friend slumped in his seat, his mother sitting prim and unperturbed by either of their reactions.

It was hardly a surprise that Shikamaru wanted to leave as soon as possible after that. He had a habit of disappearing whenever his mother was in a nagging mood and Sakura couldn’t honestly say she blamed him. Yoshino was a lovely woman, much easier to live with after Sakura had apologized for offering her insult, but her comments trended on the pointed side with a tendency to get a bit invasive.

Not having anything to do today herself, Sakura decided there was little point in exhausting themselves by stretching their limits this early in the morning, she might as well accompany him to the Tower. They walked hand in hand all the way there and did their best to ignore the stares of what few people hadn’t heard of their odd situation yet. Many of those people tittered behind their hands and made comments they clearly thought went unheard but that was to be expected. Konoha was a shinobi village and shinobi thrived on gossip, information gathering, even if all they were gathering information on was their own friends.

Thankfully the streets weren’t very busy yet, most people still at home breaking their fast. Sakura and Shikamaru wandered in to the tower still idly speculating on what their Hokage might want from him and who the new visitors were.

Just outside the Hokage’s office they stopped and let go of each other. It was easier to go without contact if they stayed in close proximity to one another and it looked much more professional anyway since one of them had been officially called in. Shikamaru rapped on the door with his knuckles and waited until a familiar voiced called for them to come in, then they both pushed through and stopped as soon as they saw who was standing beside the desk.

“Ah, Shikamaru, Sakura, I suppose I should have known you both would come. How is that coming along?”

“Improving, sensei,” Sakura mumbled.

“Excellent. Your situation slipped my mind, I’m afraid. But if it’s going well then, Shikamaru, you wouldn’t mind taking on your usual duties?”

“Of course, Hokage-sama.”

“Please, drop the ‘sama’.” Kakashi grimaced at them and Sakura fought the urge to return the expression.

All of her weight settled on to one hip, Temari stood silent and motionless with the dust of travel still clinging to her clothes. Her battle fan was strapped to her back underneath a small travel pack and the four buns of his hair were all wind swept from her journey. Pale brows furrowed curiously at Sakura for a moment before dismissing her in favor of leveling a quiet stare at Shikamaru.

On his part, Shikamaru looked strangely confused. Sakura would have thought he’d be more excited to see Temari and possibly have another chance to ask her out after the disaster of last time. For reasons she couldn’t decipher, just thinking about them out on a date sent her stomach plummeting down to the floor between her feet. Maybe it was the protective instinct of a friend? Temari had crushed his heart the last time they saw each other; it would be perfectly reasonable if she was just feeling a little defensive on his behalf.

When she realized she had started mentally listing reasons why Temari didn’t deserve him Sakura shook her head a little bit to clear her mind. That was a ridiculous train of thought. Temari was a wonderful person and they got along just fine so she had no reason to be tearing the poor girl down, even inside her own head.

“Temari-san will be staying here for a week or so. You’ve acted as guide to her before, Shikamaru, so I leave that task to you again. If you need to bring Sakura along then that’s fine.”

“Do we need to?” Temari affected an overly casual expression and averted her eyes. “No offense, Sakura, but there was something I wanted to speak to Shikamaru about. In private, preferably”

“I suppose I can bug out for a while.” Sakura narrowed her eyes, immediately suspicious. Something about that smelled fishy to her, although she questioned whether that was just her being paranoid for no reason still. Whatever was making her act so strangely was also making her aggressive, apparently.

Shikamaru gave her a slightly concerned look. “Are you sure? Don’t go too far; you always seem to get it worse than I do.”

“Are you saying I can’t handle a little pain, Nara?”

“Don’t Nara me,” he shot back irritably. “I was just being nice.”

“Well maybe I don’t need you to be nice.”

“Fine, I’ll be a dick head then.” Shikamaru rolled his eyes while Sakura made an effort to resist the smile trying to creep its way up on to her face. As much as she hated to admit to it, she loved it when they bickered like this.

She noticed Temari giving her the stink eye just then and realized it might – to an outsider who didn’t understand their complicated relationship – look sort of like the two of them were flirting. A ridiculous thought of course but she could definitely see where Temari might get that impression from so instead of glaring back she only turned and slipped away.

It was easy to tell when her partner left the Hokage’s office and where the two of them went. Sakura could feel the pulling inside of her trying to lead her back to the one she had accidentally bonded with, her body trying to convince her to return to him while her mind knew it would be best if she stayed away for at least a little while. Not for as long as she could, of course. The longer they were separated the longer they would need physical contact to recover from it and it would mess up Shikamaru’s chances with Temari if the other woman had to watch the two of them waltzing around holding hands.

Despite telling herself several times that she really didn’t care, Sakura still found herself consciously tracking their movement by that ever present pulling sensation and using the faint brush of his chakra to determine what exactly they were doing. Her gut churned when they stopped in one of the small cafés just off the main street, one of the ones meant to be romantic getaways for cute first dates. Telling herself it shouldn’t bother her did nothing to stop the strange anger she felt at the idea of the two of them kissing.

One hour passed and then another while Sakura wandered about, vaguely circling her partner’s position, trying to give him space while also trying to stay close enough for them both to be comfortable. Her pacing was probably making him feel more like an animal in a cage but she couldn’t bring herself to care.

Not much longer after that she decided that they’d had long enough to talk about whatever it was Temari wanted to discuss. If she waited much longer it would start to be painful and no matter what she grumbled at her partner she didn’t actually want to deal with that today. She was also pretty tired of just wandering around and trying to stay out of the way like some unwanted third wheel. By all accounts she had more of a claim on Shikamaru’s time at the moment. So Temari, she thought smugly, was just going to have to deal with her presence.

She found then just leaving the café, a polite distance between them and slightly awkward expressions on both of their faces. Neither of them were looking at each other but more telling was the way neither of them seemed to be able to look her in the eye when she dropped down in front of them from the roof she had vaulted over.

“Had your chat?” she asked, struggling to sound polite and not catty. Her partner nodded at the same time Temari cleared her throat.

“Yes, thank you. Now I believe I should rest after my journey. Thank you for escorting me, I will see you tomorrow. Both. I will see you…both tomorrow.” Temari grimaced like the words tasted awful in her mouth, spinning on her heel and marching down the street towards the diplomatic quarters.

“What’s got bees up in her bonnet?” Sakura asked, watching the overly precise measure of the other woman’s steps.

“Troublesome,” Shikamaru murmured to himself. “Very troublesome.”

He too was watching Temari walk away, brows drawn together in to a conflicted expression. Rather than answer the question he murmured that they should probably go. Sakura followed along in silence for a while, brushing their arms together as they walked to satisfy their strange bond and its need for regular contact. Fairly soon they would be able to go at least half a day of separation without pain and she couldn’t wait for the freedom.

Just because the thought of no longer spending so much time with Shikamaru made her a bit sick to her stomach didn’t mean anything significant. It was probably another symptom of this bonding stuff. Her body was only trying to find any way it could to keep them together, that was all.

She thought they were headed back home until Shikamaru paused at the end of the street, heaving a sigh, and turned down another. They had already passed a row of houses, two small parks, and some of the larger buildings meant for clan meetings before Sakura spoke up.

“Where are we going?” she asked. He grunted.

“I need to think.”

“Oh. Not, uh, she didn’t have anything nice to say, I take it?”

“No it was nice, I suppose.” Shikamaru sighed again and scrubbed at his face with both hands. “It’s just that now I have a decision to make and I want to think about all the pros and cons of either way before I decide.”

Chewing on her bottom lip, Sakura nodded slowly. “Alright. Want to spar? I haven’t had any exercise in ages and I find a good round of sparring always clears my head. When you empty your mind for the fight, the first thoughts to rush back in are often the most important. Or at least, that’s how it is for me.” She shrugged but her partner gave her a contemplative look.

“That actually sounds like a good idea.”

“You say that like you’re surprised I could have one.”

“Maybe I am,” he shot back with a cheeky grin forming again. She was glad to see him coming out of his funk, although she could have done without the insult.

“Right, that’s it. You and me, Nara, let’s go.”

Sakura slammed one fist in to the palm of the opposite hand and took a sharp turn off the path. One of the parks they had just passed would serve as a great little sparring field as long as they didn’t get too crazy about things.

The two of them stretched in complete silence, Sakura doing her best to keep her nosey questions to herself. Unfortunately her curiosity had always been one of those things that got her in trouble and she was only able to keep her mouth shut until they were facing each other across the field, sizing each other up to see who would strike first. Bouncing lightly on the balls of her feet, she spoke absently while eyeing the weak points in his stance.

“So what did she want anyway? Must be big to have you torn up about it.”

“I don’t know if I should say,” he murmured. His shadows whipped out towards her without warning, forcing her to dodge and stopping the motion of the shrug she’d been halfway through.

“Oh go on then. Should we really have secrets between us?”

It was meant as a joke, a sarcastic comment on how big of a deal his family was making out of their situation with the bond. She hardly expected the hesitant expression on his face nor the way his next words would throw her entire world out of focus.

“She said that she’s had a bit of time to think about it and she wants to give a relationship between us a try.”

“What’s so bad about that?”

“It’s just…you and I are technically married.”

“You know that I want whatever makes you happy, right? Everything will be back to normal soon enough so if you want to then you might as well say yes. I don’t get where your dilemma is.”

Taking advantage of her partner’s distracted state, Sakura rushed in and swung at him, not nearly enough force behind it to kill him but certainly enough to bruise. It was only mildly irritating when he still managed to dodge. Her ego told her that if she weren’t holding back then his chest would have been splattered all across the ground behind him but it would be fairly hard to answer questions in that state.

“Sakura, I don’t know if I want us to not be married.”

“You _what_!?” Her fist was already in motion for another hit when his words broke her concentration.

He didn’t dodge this time.


	6. Chapter 6

Healing Shikamaru’s jaw after she shattered it accidentally was awkward but it was nowhere close to the levels of awkwardness they reached over the next few days as both of them refused to speak about what had happened. It was fairly obviously why Shikamaru was keeping his mouth closed but for Sakura is was more of an internal debate which hadn’t yet reached a conclusion she could share.

She had no idea how to feel about Shikamaru’s declaration.

Until now she hadn’t even realized she felt anything for him but now that he had pointed it out as an option she felt conflicted. This entire marriage thing was still complete and utter bullshit, don’t get her wrong, but did that mean there couldn’t be anything between them? Did she want there to be? The possibility that this stupid bond might be influencing her feelings in some way was tying her emotions up in knots she had no idea how to unravel.

When no answers came to her, Sakura turned to the one place she always had, the one place she knew she would always find some advice waiting for her. Whether that advice was good or not sort of depended on the day but that was beside the point. It was still a relief to see Ino and Hinata waiting for her in front of the Yamanaka flower shop where she had asked them to meet her.

“Forehead, you look like you haven’t slept for a week.”

“Ha ha,” she said flatly. It rankled to admit how accurate that was. “Come on, inside. I have a problem that I need you to fix.”

“Like usual,” Ino laughed. Still, she and Hinata allowed her to usher them inside and peer suspiciously around to make sure there weren’t any customers about who could eavesdrop on them and carry her shameful tales to other ears.

Once she was certain they were alone, Sakura took a deep breath and turned to Hinata. “Um, how did you, er, know that you and Kankuro were, ah, good for each other?”

“I smell juicy gossip. Someone had a crush!” Ino crowed with delight.

“Um…” Hinata flushed and looked down with a distant, soppy smile. “I suppose I just knew? Kankuro-kun is always very kind and he listens when I talk – even when I stutter! He never makes fun of me. And we have a lot of things in common. Is that…what you were looking for?”

“But how did you _know_?”

“I don’t think I understand the question…”

Sakura tugged at the fringe of her hair, looking around again and glaring suspiciously at the door for a moment before looking them both in the eye, trying to impress upon them the pain she would inflict on their bodies if either of them breathed a word of what she was about to say.

“Look. I have a problem. Temari arrived a few days ago and she told Shikamaru she wants to give them a chance.”

“Good for him,” Ino said. “He’s been moping ever since she turned him down flat.”

“No. Not good. He hasn’t answered her yet because he says…he…oh god I can’t say it.” Sakura tugged at her hair again, forcing herself to release it all in one big rush. “He says he wants us to stay married – like he likes me – and I think that I might like him too but I don’t know for sure because I never realized but now that it’s in my head I can’t get it _out_ of my head and she’s getting to spend all this time with him because he’s her official escort and I don’t know what to do so you guys have to fix me or something! Okay!?”

She was left panting in the aftermath of her outburst while the other two gaped at her in astonishment. The quiet stretched out until her eyes slowly began to fill with tears and Hinata rushed to hold her gently and stroke her back.

“Oh no! Sakura-chan don’t cry! We’ll help you, I promise.”

“Alright, gossip senses in overdrive, just saying.” Ino flinched when Sakura spared her an evil look. “I’m not saying I’m gonna spread your business, chill out. But wow. I wasn’t expecting that.”

“Neither was I,” Sakura grumbled.

“So let’s talk it through then. You’re not sure if you like him? Tell me what it feels like when you think about him accepting Temari’s oh-so-generous offer?”

“My stomach hurts,” she admitted. “Not in a sick sort of way but in the way that your gut tells you something is wrong when you’re out on a mission all you have to go on is a hunch that something’s not right about the situation.”

Hinata continued to stroke her back while Ino nodded along. “Alright, so jealous. You feel jealous.”

“But I could just be getting overly attached like a friend. Like – like you!”

“I’m protective, darling, there’s a difference.”

They huffed at each other primly until Hinata cleared her throat in her unassuming way.

“What do you feel like when you think about being with him? I feel very warm when I think of Kankuro. He makes me feel safe and light. He makes me feel like I matter.”

“You have always mattered,” Sakura told her fiercely. Her friend smiled and pulled away to pat her hand.

“Thank you,” Hinata murmured. “I know that now. But this is about you. What do _you_ feel?”

Licking at her lips nervously, she took a moment to really think about that question for the first time. She’d been so caught up in trying to figure out what her feelings were that she hadn’t taken the time to stop and allow herself to just feel them, to examine them properly. Feelings made her stupid, apparently, but she could have guessed that already from her younger years.

For a moment she pictured it, Shikamaru holding her hand for no other reason than that he wanted to, kissing her the way she had always dreamed of being kissed. She imagined them laughing together and spending the rest of their days together and she realized with a start that Hinata was right. Her entire body felt warm, safe. Shikamaru had a way of making her feeling like she mattered as more than just the healer you call on when you need her. They badgered each other endlessly but at the end of the day there were few she would trust more than him to have her back, in battle or otherwise.

Heat crept up in her cheeks and Sakura looked back and forth between her friends feeling even more torn than she had been when she arrived.

“I think I love him,” she whispered. “I think that I’ve loved him for a lot longer than I realized.”

“Then why the hell do you look sad!?” Ino exclaimed.

“Because he can’t decide! What if he picks her? What if I’m not really good enough after all or he realizes that he only feels this way because he’s gotten accustomed to having me there? Now that we can be apart for longer and longer periods of time, what if he _likes_ that?”

“Likes what, Sakura-chan?” Hinata moved forward to reach around and stroke her back again.

“Me not being there. Freedom. I dunno, I’ve been a mess all week. I can hardly think straight.”

Ino shook her head. “Damn, Forehead. When you have problems, you _really_ have problems. If it’s any consolation, I’d pick you for him over Temari any day. Any woman that only wants him as an afterthought doesn’t deserve him in my opinion.”

“Thanks,” Sakura said with a watery chuckle.

“Any time.”

She stayed with them for another hour or two, winding down with some pointless chatter and spending time thinking about anything other than what had been plaguing her for several days straight. Her issue wasn’t truly resolved yet, wouldn’t be until Shikamaru made his decision as to what he wanted to do, but it was a massive weight off of her shoulders to finally understand where she stood for herself. Come what may, she knew what she wanted. If she didn’t get what she wanted, well, Sakura had been raised on disappointment at the hands of men; she would survive one more.

When the pulling in her soul became more of an insistent tug Sakura made her goodbyes and retreated to the Nara compound at a leisurely pace. Part of her recognized that she was taking her sweet ass time because it would draw out the amount of contact she would need to feel better because something dark deep inside her had very little faith that Shikamaru would choose her. Who wanted the pink little nobody from nowhere with nothing to offer but the blood under her fingernails when instead they could have a Princess of the Sand, poised and strong with her exotic eyes and her brilliant mind?

Just outside of the house she had already started to unconsciously call home, Sakura took a moment to viciously stamp those thoughts out. She was better than waiting around to be chosen. Whether or not the two of them ended up in a relationship she was still the same Sakura who had fought for and earned every inch of respect this village allowed her, the woman who punch a goddess, a prodigy even without the fancy bloodlines to back her up.

Pep talk having successfully riled her up, Sakura marched in to the house feeling like she could take on another army all by herself. The quiet stillness inside barely registered when her fists where clenched in determination, her strides long and purposeful as she marched through the house in search of Shikamaru.

All the fire she had just gone to the trouble of building up sputtered out the moment she caught sight of him. She had been so caught up in her own troubles over the past few days that it hadn’t fully registered on her what he might be feeling, that he had his own turmoil to wrestle with.

He sat on the end of the bed they shared with his legs folded up on to the mattress and his back bowed, chin propped in one hand while the other drummed a steady beat against the side of his ankle. His face was pinch and drawn in to the sort of concentration she rarely saw outside of battle or politics, the one he wore when he bent all of his considerable skills to bear solving a particularly difficult problem.

It occurred to her then to wonder what exactly the cause of his dilemma was. He had confessed to having feelings for both herself and Temari but was it really that he couldn’t decide who to pursue a relationship with? Sakura watched him think and wondered if maybe he was wrestling with guilt rather than indecision, the problem of how to let one down easy when he chose the other. He was loyal to a fault when it came to his friends and she knew better than most how hard it could be to disappoint the people you felt it was your job to protect.

Watching him, Sakura made yet another discovery about herself: she didn’t care who he chose. Her own words came back to bite her in the ass as she realized that, while it would hurt like a bitch to see him with Temari now that she had finally admitted she wanted him for herself, what hurt the most was knowing that he was unhappy. His turmoil was the source of her own, the reason she had spent the past week feeling nauseas every time she thought about their stupidly complicated situation. She wished she could kick herself for what she was about to do but it would have looked funny and she wasn’t sure she could get enough momentum. Maybe later she would make a clone and spar just to hit herself in her own dumb face.

“Hey,” she called softly to get his attention.

“Hey to yourself,” he muttered, looking up. “I’m glad you’re here. I need to talk to you.”

“Actually, before that, I need to talk to you first.”

Shikamaru gave her a wary look but he unfolded his legs and patted the spot beside him. Sakura placed herself gently on the mattress and made herself speak despite her brain screaming at her that she was about to make a big mistake.

“I know you’ve been tearing yourself up about this thing with me and Temari and I just wanted you to know that you don’t have to feel guilty. You can…you’ve had feelings for her for so long and I completely understand. You can be with her and I’ll stay out of the way as much as I can, no hard feelings, I promise.”

“Oh. Wow.”

Her piece spoken, Sakura stared down at the hands clasped in her lap. Just the thought of looking up to see relief on his face made her want to cry so she kept her gaze where it was safe. The tears gathered anyway and she found herself opening her mouth to say it straight in the hopes that she might be able to convince herself this was for the best.

“You don’t have to pick me. We will always be friends but you only get this one shot with Temari so you…you should take it.”

The silence after her statement nearly suffocated her and Sakura fought against her instincts for as long as she possibly could before she could take it no more. She had to know. With knuckles turning white and her heart thundering in her throat, she looked up to see his reaction.


	7. Chapter 7

“You’re stepping aside,” Shikamaru whispered, his expression as awed as though she’d just told him she’d found the fountain of youth. “Just like that? You’ve backing off because ‘I get one shot with Temari’?”

“Well you’ve liked her longer!” Sakura hoped it was at least somewhat implied that he must also like the other woman better because she would not be able to bring herself to say it. His lack of a clear reaction grated on her. Why was he just staring? His expression was neither happy nor sad, neither triumphant nor disappointed, and it left her confused.

She jumped when something brushed against the back of her hand where it was clenched around the other so tight her fingers were beginning to go numb. When she looked down it was to find one of his hands gently covering both of her own.

“That’s a very generous thing for you to do,” he said. “But I don’t need you to do it. I wanted to talk to you because I realized my decision was made a long time ago.”

“Oh?”

Instead of words he showed her with a kiss. Sakura gave a little squeak of surprise that rapidly turned in to a breathy moan. The title of genius did not do this man justice; he knew how to _kiss_. His lips were warm and pliant against hers, just the right amount of pressure to melt her brain as he cupped the side of her face with his free hand to hold her like she was something precious and valued.

Like she mattered.

Inside she could feel all sorts of emotions and sensations going haywire but all that she cared about was the perfect, cautious slide of his hand along her cheek, down the side of her neck, across her shoulder and all the way back up. He couldn’t seem to decide where to touch her and so tried to touch everywhere at once. It was perfect. Sakura breathed him in and when she breathed out she expelled all the stress that had been eating away at her ever since their respective chakras decided they needed to be bound together.

Which, she thought, brought up a rather important point. It took some willpower to break their kiss and even then she only managed to mumble in between more kisses and breathy sighs.

“Shika I will kill you if you only chose me because of this stupid chakra thing.”

“Didn’t _choose_ you,” he grumbled, chasing her lips again and again and weaving his hand around to the back of her head to hold her in place. “Wanted you. Didn’t think you wanted me.”

“You didn’t – what!?” Sakura pulled away at last to stare at him in surprise.

“I wanted to be with you but I thought you didn’t want me at all. I was conflicted over whether to hang on to what little feelings I have left for Temari or if that would be unfair to her. And of course I was going back and forth on whether or not to try to win you over or if that would just annoy you; I’ve seen you punch out some of the guys who keep giving you unwanted attention.”

He shrugged lightly but Sakura was staring at him with wide eyes, a feeling of horror slowly rising up.

“I never even gave you a _clue_ , did I?”

“Not a one,” he agreed wryly.

“Well, in my defense, I was pretty deep in denial.”

“That’s not a defense that would hold up in court.”

“Shut up and kiss me again, Nara.”

The look in his eyes was cautious but happy when he whispered, “Anything for you, Nara.”

Sakura wasn’t sure whether it was the kiss or the reminder that they were technically married that stole her breath this time but it didn’t matter. The important part was that Shikamaru was exactly the kind of good man she had dreamed of as a young girl and here he was holding her in his arms with all the signs of never letting go.

All of the most important questions had been answers, the most pressing worries lifted. Rather than let herself get bogged down and ruined the moment with nitpicky details, Sakura melted back in to her partner’s arms and marveled at how completely at home she felt, wondering how this hadn’t clued her in a long time ago. Holding his hand was more natural to her than the beat of her own heart; if nothing else, that should have been a clue.

Wriggling her hands out from where they were still held underneath his own, Sakura reaching out blindly for her lazy prince charming and let all other thoughts slip away.

-

In the end they decided – together – to stay married. There was little point in getting a divorce if they were just going to get married again someday, although Sakura did insist on the two of them dating properly before anything else happened. Several months passed before she finally gave in and sold her apartment. Admitting that she wouldn’t be moving away from her partner wasn’t the hard part, it was deciding what little bits of furniture or which possessions she could bring with her to her new home. Selling the things she had worked so hard to purchase for herself had been difficult but now she had a new home and new family to work hard for; it seemed a fair trade when she looked at it that way.

One full year after they were bonded together in technical marriage Sakura insisted upon the two of them going through the actual ceremony. Traditions were all well and good but she didn’t truly feel married until Shikamaru slid the ring on her finger and listened to her old sensei, in his best robes and with both eyes suspiciously wet, declare them man and wife.

And of course such an auspicious occasion as a member of Team 7 settling down in to a stable healthy relationship had to be celebrated with as much vigor as their poor village could handle. Naruto invited dozens of guests from the other villages to come share in her big day, including Temari who attended with the man she had been happy with for several months and wished them both a happy life. Sasuke sent a letter, amazingly enough, but Sakura was hardly surprised when he didn’t come himself. He chose instead to continue on with the community service he had tasked himself with in an effort to redeem himself of his past sins.

Besides her own parents, the guest whose presence meant the most to Sakura was her shishou, who made a point of coming home from her retirement tour just to celebrate her old student.

“You did well kid,” Tsunade told her, her amber eyes distant in the way they often were when she got lost in her own regrets. Sakura beamed.

“Thank you,” she replied with a small bow. “For everything you did for me. I wouldn’t be who I am today if it wasn’t for you.”

“Hm. You think so?”

“Shishou?”

Tsunade hummed thoughtfully and crossed her arms, tanned now after laying on a beach in some undisclosed location for a bit of well-earned privacy and rest. “I gave you some tools and a few pointers but you earned what you have all by yourself so don’t thank me for any of it. I certainly didn’t have anything to do with you snagging that Nara brat; isn’t that what we’re supposed to be celebrating? Where’s the sake?”

“Don’t give her sake!” Shizune’s voice hollered from somewhere nearby. Both of them cringed.

“I’ll find it anyway, I don’t know why she tries to stop me.” Tsunade muttered a few choice phrases under her breath before shaking her head and returning her gaze to the young woman before her. “They call you the second coming of Tsunade but that’s dumb, don’t you think? You’re nothing but Sakura. Don’t ever be anything but Sakura, you got that?”

“R-right.” Sakura bit the inside of her cheek and strove to keep all signs of emotion of her face. Her teacher was a flighty woman, likely to flee the whole venue at the first sign of actual emotion – or maybe hit her for it.

Quickly removing herself, she wormed her way through the buzzing crowd until she found her husband chatting with some of their friends, fitting herself in to his arms and sighing with the same relief that always came with slipping back in the place she belonged. At this point the two of them could go days or weeks apart without their chakra bond causing them pain but there was never a place she felt more complete than right here at Shikamaru’s side.

“What did she say?” he asked, knowing she had been particularly looking forward to a visit with the Godaime Hokage.

“She told me that I should never be anything other than just Sakura.”

“Good advice. I wouldn’t want you to be anything but yourself.”

Flashing him a grin, she asked, “Even if myself grows up to become a bickering old shrew who nags you to hold my hand more and pick up your dishes after dinner?”

“Love, if my worst problem is that you want to hold my hand more often then I’ll have had a good life.”

“Awww, aren’t they just sickeningly sweet?” Standing next to her old teammate, Ino pretended to swoon and fanned herself with one hand, the other tightly woven between Sai’s fingers. Sakura made a face at her best friend.

“Don’t act like you’re any better, Pig. When are the two of you going to stand up in front of everyone and play kissy face, huh?”

“Shut up!”

Ino turned red and Sakura laughed in to her husband’s shoulder, smiling happily when he held her tighter and murmured in to her hair about how troublesome it was dealing with both of them at the same time.

Were she given the chance, she wished she could go back in time and kick some sense in to herself a year ago to save everyone the trouble of all the unnecessary drama it had taken to get them here. How wrong she had been to think being bound to Shikamaru was anything but the most exquisite freedom. She could be more of herself with him than she could with anyone else, she was happier nowhere than by his side, and if their bond broke tomorrow by some unknown circumstance she would hardly even notice. It wasn’t the pull in her chakra pathways that kept her coming back to him time and time again.

It was love.


End file.
